Mackenzie Maltby Shares Her Trichotillomania Story

How did your pulling start and what do you remember most vividly?

My hair pulling started in 3rd grade after I had lice. With extremely thick hair, I sat in the mirror picking out my hair that had the little nits on them. It took two months to fully get rid of the lice, but the hair pulling stayed. I began to pull out the hairs on my head, doing it at home and at school. Most of the time, I didn't remember doing it until the damage was done. I remember feeling so ashamed about doing it.

In 5th grade, my mom flew me to the Mayo Clinic to do further psychiatric testing. I was horribly nervous going there and filled with shame.

That's when they diagnosed me with Trichotillomania. I went to counseling, made charts, tried reward systems. We tried everything. I didn't think there was anything wrong with me but everyone else seemed to think so, which bred a lot of fear into me.

Does anyone else in your family have it? How do you explain it to them?

No one in my family has it and I had never met anyone who had it until I was an adult and was honest about it! Therapy was the most beneficial to me, even more so than fidget toys or self-soothing techniques. I needed to know that pulling my hair wasn't shameful (because it's not!).

It's a very small part of my story, a part I share with many other people, and if you are one of them, you need to know you’re not alone or defined by what you can’t control.

Any big takeaways from therapy?

Trichotillomania is a part of my anxiety. They go hand and hand. I’ve learned amazing grounding techniques to calm anxious thoughts. I have also learned how not to let myself be preoccupied with a hair pulling episode. The less attached I am to my hair pulling disorder, the more I can own it.

It does not control me, it's just another element of who I am.

Do you feel shame after a hair pulling episode and how do you handle it?

I used to. I don't anymore. There have been seasons where I don't pull at all and seasons of obvious bald patches. I see trichotillomania as a partner along in the ride for my life.

Have you found any hacks to lessen your hair pulling urges?

I pull my hair more when my hair is dirty. The cleaner my hair, the less likely I am to pull. Hormones are also intertwined with my hair pulling. Right before my period, I have a tendency to be more anxious and pull more.

I highly recommend any woman who struggles to trich to get your hormones tested.

Instead of being angry with my trich when I feel the urge, I say to myself "Hey, you're a couple days from your period, makes sense!"

Be informed! Be in tune with your body and be gentle with yourself during those times of stress and change.

What would you tell your younger self about trich?

Don't be ashamed. You are not strange or weird for pulling your hair. You are coping the best way you know how and the hair on your head, face or body is not a reflection of your character, integrity or desirability.

What would you tell a parent with a child or teen with trichotillomania?

Find a community. Find a community. Find a community.

The hardest part of having trichotillomania is the isolation. If I knew there were other grade school kids who suffered with the same thing, I would feel deep relief. We have to know we are in it together. You are never alone.

**Editors Note: Some great organizations are BFRB.org and a Facebook Group called Tricky Picky Parenting.

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How do you feel about hair and beauty being so intertwined? Have your feelings on that changed since having the disorder?

My hair is arguably the most beautiful part of my body and the most complimented. It can be both. The thing that we love can also be the thing we struggle with. Trichotillomania is complex, and so are we. But you are strong and capable of change.