Trichotillomania is a liar.

She exists to distract, cope or cover-up uncomfortable feelings. And she’s great at all those things, for the split second you engage with her, but she lies. She tricks you into believing pulling will make you feel better. She will lessen your anxiety. Lies. Lies. But once you’re in it, and you start to feel that rush, knowing your relief is right around the corner, and it feels so good, it’s hard to break the cycle.

I’m referring to hair pulling as a “her” because when I picture trichotillomania, I picture Regina George from Mean Girls. She’s relentless, puts herself above everything else and makes us feel crappy about ourselves. “God, Karen, you’re so stoooopid.”

She’ll make you think things like:

If I can just get this one hair, I’ll feel better.

If I can just even out this spot by pulling a few more hairs, I’ll feel better.

If I can just get rid of this itchy feeling, I’ll feel better.

If I just get this last one, it’ll be the last, then I’ll feel better, and then I can stop.

Sounds a whole lot like a drug addict! Or the person who says, “If I could just win the lottery, then I’ll be happy.”

If your supposed “happiness” or relief is tied to any one thing (especially when it’s a behavior that isn’t serving you), then it’s not a healthy relationship. Right? Booze, money, hair pulling, eating…the list goes on. Temporary fixes. None permanent relief or joy.

Pulling your hair will NOT make you feel better. And if you remember that the disorder is lying to you, the same way people can lie to you, then you can decide if you want her (it) in your life.

Now you’re thinking, “Well of course I don’t want her in my life but it’s a disorder and I have no control over it.” True. But you DO have control over your thoughts. And if you can repeat things like “I know my brain is tricking me into believing this is helpful when it’s not”, then slowly you may be able to reprogram your brain and thoughts into not engaging in something unhelpful to you.

Some other phrases that may help are:

“The shame I feel afterwards is not worth the immediate gratification.”

“I am stronger than my urge to pull.”

“I don’t need to know details about strands of hair. That knowledge serves no purpose”

“This will pass. I can distract myself with something else until it passes.”

“This behavior no longer serves me. It is unhelpful.”

“It may feel scary to not lean on this coping mechanism, but I am strong and able.”

This is coming from a person who is NOT INTO MANTRAS. I don’t have crystals, know nothing about the moon or when it’s in “gatorade” or whatever 😉 and I don’t even know what chakras are! But I do believe we are our thoughts, and the more we can think about our behaviors, and the more aware we become, the more change we can expect to see.

I’d love to know “mantras” (can we just call them sayings?) you find helpful. What do you use to talk or snap yourself out of a pulling episode? What fits for you? Comment below!